What IS love?
by Razorpack
Summary: Ben reflects on the past 9 months with Mimi


What IS love?

by Razorpack

Legal crap: THIS FIC'S MINE! There's no way ANYONE can sue me! Bwahaha! *hack, cough*

This takes place between Chapters 2 & 3 from my 'ANOTHER Digidestined?'. As stated in the summary, it's an insight into Ben's mind, and his feelings for Mimi. I could have put it in Chapter 3 but I couldn't think of a good way for it to fit with the story.

Nuts to this.

If you want, take this as part of my 1st digific. Otherwise, just treat it as one of those pointless stand-alone stories about certain characters. And to avoid confusion, I'll say this now: this fic and Chapter 3 take place in May. That means they're *6* months after Chapter 2, so relationships have changed/grown and so forth.

Please note! I live in Europe, so I have NO idea what school is like in America.

Phew. Now that's over, on with the fic!

^looks up at rest of notes^

Man I'm talkative today- Hey what's that? A SPOILER?! AAAHHH!!!

Ben opened the door and staggered into his room. School had been rather tiring today. The first 2 periods were Biology and History. Followed by Maths and Gym. After lunch came *shudder* Geography. That was the most mind-numbingly boring subject he had. A few hours of that was

enough to send anyone around the bend. The only person that stopped him from just falling asleep in class was Mimi.

Mimi.

Abruptly, that name had a new meaning.

***

Our friendship quickly grew. I first thought of her merely as just another girl. One that was Japanese and didn't understand a word of English. I found her mannerisms strange, out-of-place, but I quickly outgrew those inhibitions. As time went by, a new picture of her formed in my mind. A shy, kind, spoiled brat. She certainly wasn't the kind of 'American beauty' that I've come to expect from make up and fashion freaks. Unlike most girls, she had 'depth'. There was more to life than make-up, boys and Dawson's Creek. Well, for her at least.

Then that image was shattered too when we went to the Christmas dance. It was silly really. Some kids thought it'd be neat if we had a dance on the last day of school before Christmas. Not that I initially wanted to take part.

*shudder*

That was a REALLY strange week. I'm generally ignored by girls and I leave them alone too. But when they announced the dance on the P.A. system, every female student went crazy. As I walked to the lunch hall, I was frequently stopped by girls. All of them trying to be the first to ask me to the dance.

What was wrong with these people?!

I'm certainly not the most handsome guy in the school. That title belonged to a guy in the same year. I forget his name. I wasn't a brilliant athlete either. I wasn't rich, famous, or generally popular. I was just some guy in the background. That just gave me more reason not to take part. I turned everyone down. Then the unthinkable happened.

Mimi asked me.

I was so stunned that I said yes. It had never occurred to me that Mimi hadn't asked me by then. I thought of her as a friend. I NEVER saw that coming. But it was too late to take it back. Mimi had asked me during Maths, while the teacher was out photocopying some exercise papers. To top it off, she had asked me in English.

We always spoke Japanese to each other. The only time we talked in English was when she was doing her homework. She was learning, picking up bits here and there, but I didn't think she knew enough to make a coherent sentence. Which made everything a 100 times worse. The whole class had heard us. I could have died from embarrassment if the teacher hadn't come back.

She was ecstatic. After school Mimi had even asked me to come round her house and help her choose a dress. I didn't have the guts to wipe that smile off her face so I agreed.

That smile. That angelic smile.

***

God damn it, what's wrong with me? I can't concentrate. I'm about to lose my status as Commander all because of her.

Her.

Jeez, is it THAT hard to get her out of my head? I took me 2 months to get that Commander tag on my handle. Now I'm going to lose it, and become plain old RSRazorpack|OHM| . Sure, Sub-Op is an okay position in the Rogue Squadron hierarchy, but I'm not going to give it up without a fight!

I cautiously walk down a hallway. The enemy is somewhere closeby. I crouch down, and look in all directions. This one has the annoying tendency to shoot toxic sludge at random, hoping it will hit me. So far it has only hit once.

*th@ commander title is mine!*

*over my ded body*

*th@'s de plan*

*u think u win?*

*i hav*

Oh crap. I realise he's been toying with me. I know he's standing behind me with the Sniper Rifle, aiming for my head. One last chance. I'll have to teleport. I change to my primary weapon and fire. I know Devvy will hear the shot, and he'll most likely fire before I warp. But if I time it right, I'll survive long enough to jump out of this situation.

That perfect smile. Those serene eyes.

Damn. I had to think of her, didn't I? Right when I was escaping the trap. And now, because of her, *RS* becomes RS. I want to be angry at her but I can't. I dejectedly turn off UT, and slump in my seat.

I threw away 2 months of gaming for her. It's really hard to gain the Commander title in Rogue Squadron. Most of the Rogues are experienced players, which makes it all the more frustrating yet enjoyable. When one does get it, they feel it was worth it. I'm only 12, and that has made me the youngest Commander so far.

"What's happening to me?" I say out loud.

I just can't get her out of my head. Could it be love?

"No!" I reply to myself. We're just close friends. Aren't we?

And if I am in love, how can I tell? This could be just some silly crush. It'll go away soon enough.

Don't kid yourself Ben. It started back in November but it hasn't gone away. It's gotten worse.

But could this be genuine?

I thought love was the LAST thing on my mind. I get nauseous just watching romantic movies. How could this have happened? Then I remember a quote from long ago:

__

Love is a powerful emotion,

True love the strongest.

It may be rare and fragile,

but it is still the greatest gift of all.

I don't know who said that, or even if it's 100% correct. But something about that quote makes sense.

Bah, who am I kidding? I've never been in love so how could I know now? Is this real romance, or do I love her as a friend?

'Love her as a friend'. What does that mean?

Think about it, I reply to myself again. The whole problem is that 'love' has too many different meanings. You can love ice-cream, but that only means that you like it a lot. You can love a sibling, but that's an entirely different meaning.

You can love a friend, but it doesn't mean you have to marry them.

Ugh, this is giving me a headache. So many questions, but few answers. And what if she doesn't feel the same way for me?

What if she does?

Comments, flames and questions to Razorpack@excite.com

I just wanted to write this little fic to give people an idea how Ben really feels about Mimi and his inner turmoil.


End file.
